We Bought a House

If you've seen the movie "We Bought a Zoo" then you know exactly what my life has been like since moving into this 17 year old house ten days ago.  Except without the tigers.  But, we have groundhogs, which are clearly more entertaining.  We have been very fortunate in our married life to move into 2 newly built homes.  We even rented a newly built home in California.  I feel like we took very good care of all of our homes, even our rental.  We made repairs, updates, kept things clean and well, just acted like a fricking grown ups!  So, imagine my rude awakening upon moving into a home where little to no maintenance has been done in the past 4-10 years.  Everything on this house is original.  The people who built it in 1996 wanted Victorian and custom.  There is a ton about this house that we instantly loved!  The screened in porch, the oversized three car garage, the pool (what was I thinking?).
But, we have just had to fix a cajillion things since moving in.  The water heater sounds like the one on the All State Mahem commercial.  The pool filter is weak and fading fast, the groundhog family living under the porch has a system of holes and tunnels that surely must lead to China.  I know we bit this off willingly and we will fix it all.  One. thing. at. a time.  But, my gawd, I am too OCD for this shit!  One source of daily frustration is in our master bathroom.  The toilet closet has a toilet that is too large to actually get the door past it.  That's as far as the door will go.

I know what you are thinking.  You are picturing me squeezing past the door and toilet.  Yep, that's what I do, every day.  Several times a night, in fact.  It's lovely.
I am grateful to the previous owners for taking down all the ugly ass Victorian wallpaper that used to cover the interior walls.  But, they left us all these wonderful shiny gold light fixtures.  Pretty sure they haven't been dusted in 17 years.  Here's the one I keep hitting my head on several times a day:

I'm pretty sure that's why one of the lamp thingies is tilted.  From my head.
Stay tuned for more exciting episodes of whatever the hell this house has in store for us.  We're all happy to be home, even if the home is fighting back a little.

There's Shake in Your Hair

It has been a long time since my last post.  While I've thought many times in the last 2 and a half months about writing, I've never seemed to MAKE the time.  But, today I knew I HAD to make the time.  Why?  What's so amazing that I have to share it?  Did I get an award?  No. Did I win the lottery?  No (and I wish).  Did Adam Levine show up at my house and ask me out on a date?  Sadly, no.  But, this story is what my blog is all about.  Who do you want to tell when you really make a mess of things?  Your friends.  So, my friends, here is a little story about how your graceful and talented friend Jen ended up wearing her breakfast.  Enjoy!
I was up and ready in plenty of time to make it to work not just on time today, but early.  I would even have time to drop off Aidan on my way.  Today was to be my 3-month evaluation at work.  Call me crazy, but I was excited and looking forward to it.  I ironed nice pants.  I put on mascara.  I really HATE putting on mascara.  I complimented myself silently about making the effort to look a tad bit better than average today.  
My new morning routine (now that I have a job and have a routine) includes making myself a protein smoothie which I drink as my breakfast.  It makes me happy.  Why?  Because it fills me up, it's yummy and it's easy to take with me to work.   Yep, that's me- all together and makin' my protein smoothie in the morning.  La-dee-da!  Feeling this good about myself this morning, I should have known that disaster was looming around the corner.
Aidan and I made our way to the van and headed off to his school.  About half way there I picked up my QT cup (GOOD GAWD, people, I MISS QT!) to take a drink.  Picked it up, not by the handle, which would have made the morning turn out just fine, but by the lid.  At which point, the entire cup (It's a 34 oz. cup about 1/2 full) dropped straight back down into the cup holder.  The lid was apparently not on all the way (rookie mistake).  But, honestly, this is WHY I carry the drink in a grown up version of a sippy cup.  I am not the most graceful person on the planet (sorry if you had other ideas about me).  I know what I'm capable of and it is not pretty.
The force with which the cup fell was supersonic or something b/c it literally exploded all over me, between the seats and center console of my van, as well as all over the dash and driver's side window.  Aidan, sitting in the passenger seat, was spotless.  I pulled over immediately and tried not to speak.  As I looked for napkins, I glanced at Aidan who looked, well, petrified.  Pretty sure he thought my head was going to pop off.  
After patting at the mess with a few meager napkins (anyone for cleaning up an entire bucket of water with one Kleenex?), I decided to continue driving Aidan to school.  I dropped him off and he said, "Sorry about your shake.  Hope your day gets better" or something to that effect.  Good boy, well played.  He's learning how to handle irate women (a very necessary skill, in my opinion).
Back home I went and came crashing into the house as quickly as I possibly could.  Tanner, who hadn't yet left for school, just watched me with his mouth open.  I explained what had happened and he said, in classic Tanner fashion, "You'll probably need to change clothes."  Really?  Ya think?  
I raced upstairs and peeled off my fruity smelling sweater, shirt, slacks and even my bra.  I threw them in the tub and threw on new stuff as fast as I could.  When I got back downstairs it was time for Tanner to go and I was running late.  I grabbed a couple of kitchen towels and got them wet to wipe off my seat, steering wheel and seat belt (I have one word for you-STICKY).  I told Tanner to have a good day at school and headed for the van.  Tanner says, "Hey mom, there's shake in your hair."  And on my glasses and on my shoes.  
Yep, just another Tuesday.

When Did September Happen?

I haven't blogged since July?  Really?  My last blog was about Rue.  She is healed and doing great. She even has some fur on her bottom half now, helping her to look a lot less ridiculous.  It's still not as long as the rest of her fur, but one more haircut ought to even her out.
A lot of good has happened in the last month.  I was due for some good juju out here and so glad it finally found me.  The kids both started back to school.  Yea for schedules and routine!  I was able to land a J-O-B, finally!  Yea for a paycheck (which will happen only once per month, but yea all the same)!
I finally got my California Teaching Credential (applied for that in May, just got it this week).  So, now I can teach in California, well sort of.  I still have to take the CTEL (California Teachers of English Learners) exam to become a classroom teacher.  In related news, I DO NOT have to take the four classes I thought I was going to have to take!  Thanks to some investigating (thank you Carla) and meeting with the district's credential analyst, I was able to cross that off my list of things to do.  Never.Been.So.Fricking.Happy!!!!!!!!!!  I'll take a 7 hour exam over 4 college courses any day of the week.
In the mean time, I am working as an instructional assistant (also called a para educator) about 20 hours a week in a great school.  I am learning a lot about how the schools out here work.  It's very different in some respects, just the same in others.  The teacher I'm working with went through the same process I have been going through when she moved back here from Kansas.  She's an amazing teacher and we work extremely well together.
The first day I was there, I taught the 2nd grade group (13 students). It's a combo class, so the other 13 students are first graders.  This is something quite different from what I'm used to.  But, I just took her plans and dove right in.
One thing I will be sure about until the day I die-I was meant to be a teacher.  It was as if I'd found the part of myself that had been missing since coming here.  Me and myself were like peas and carrots again!
Good juju, indeed.

The Dog Whisperer, I am NOT!

So, 8 days ago (8 days, 6 hours, and 26 minutes, but that's a rough estimate) my sweet little dog Rue had some major surgery.   She's been recovering from having both back legs operated on to repair 2 luxated patellas, aka-trick knees.  Yes, my dog does tricks.  She does the kind of tricks that empty our bank account.  She's REALLY good at it.  But, I love her and would do anything for her (evidenced by the fact that we are now back in some major debt).
She is quite possibly the cutest dog E-VER!  She also has "pitiful and pathetic" down pat.  Do you need a pathetic looking dog for a commercial?  Please, call me!  It's about time Rue started to earn her keep.  How about this:  

"Want to keep your dog from having to wear the cone of shame?  Click here to find out how we can help!"  You'd totally click, wouldn't you?  Since I can't seem to get a job out here, maybe it's Rue's turn to step up.  She puked in the cone of shame about 5 minutes after this photo was taken. Because we weren't already having enough fun that day.
Anyway, back to her recovery.  I have literally become the mother of a toddler all over again.  And I have to say it's not something I was really missing.  My life is how many times has Rue pooed and peed today, has she had enough water, is it time for her pills, is she trying to bite/lick her stitches?  I am exhausted!
Remember that phase when you couldn't be out of your baby's sight or they would immediately start whining or crying?  My boys both went through this stage more than once and at various ages, but I haven't had to worry about it for a LONG time!  This is Rue, right now.  If I am sitting at the computer, she has to be right next to me.   Like right now.  This is Rue sitting next to me as I type this.  Hi Rue Rue!!

 If I'm in the bathroom, she's whining until I come out.   I remember this.  She doesn't do it for the boys or Eric, just me.  The same way Aidan and Tanner did it.  What's my point here?  Well, besides just venting a bit, my point is that I'm too old for this shit!  I'm so glad to not have my baby parts anymore, because I just don't think I could survive that stage of Motherhood again.
She's also not being a very good patient anymore.  After 8 days being stuck in her bed, who can blame her?  I'm not supposed to let her walk until day 10.  But, that's easier said than done.  She's only 2 and she has a mind of her own.
This is SO the right dog for me, by the way. When people tell me I can't do something, I tend to nod and do it anyway.  Kinda like Rue just did while I was writing this.

She won't even look at me.  She knows she's not supposed to be out of her bed.  Sneaky little shit. God, I love this dog!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

Last Friday I set out to drive from California to Missouri with my mother and my two kids.  2070 miles, 7 states, 3 days.  Throughout the journey I made random observations, mostly to myself.  I thought I would share twenty of them with you.

Random Thought #1:  Plane tickets are expensive.
Random Thought #2:  They are worth every penny.
Random Thought #3:  I wish we had enough money to buy plane tickets.
Random Thought #4:  Built in DVD players are the bomb diggety!
Random Thought #5:  Hooking up the X Box to the DVD player was the best idea my son Aidan has ever had in his lifetime.  I mean that, E-VER!
Random Thought #6:  You can never have enough snacks.
Random Thought #7:  My mom comments on everything she sees while travelling.
Random Thought #8:  My kids could care less about any of the things my mom points out along the way.  Welcome to age 10 and 13, Grandma.  If it doesn't have a cord, they aren't interested.
Random Thought #9:  So, this is Nevada.
Random Thought #10:  So, this is Utah.
Random Thought #11:  So, this is Wyoming.
Random Thought #12:  So, this is Colorado.
Random Thought #13:  Uhg!  Kansas.
Random Thought #14:  More Kansas.
Random Thought #15:  Yeah, we made it to Missouri.
Random Thought #16:  I have really gotten used to low or NO humidity.  I rather enjoy it.
Random Thought #17:  Driving 80 legally is pretty cool.
Random Thought #18:  Driving 65 after driving 80 feels like we are in a covered wagon.
Random Thought #19: Plane tickets are expensive.
Random Thought #20:  They are worth every penny.
Hope everyone is enjoying their summer trips!

A Lap Dance Says A Lot

Making new friends is relatively easy when you are all in the same situation.  Thrown into the college setting, everyone is new and away from home, so it's easy to bond over a shared new, scary, exciting experience.  Later in life, you bond with colleagues at work over the daily stresses of balancing work and home.  Not all of these friends will stay your friends as life moves on and in new directions.  But, the ones that do are all that matters.  I have clung to my friendships from these times in my life for the last 7 months as I tried to navigate a new life here in California.  I am so grateful for these women who have listened to me on the phone whine and vent about my strange new world, who have sent me cards that made me laugh and cry, who have just, well, been my friends even though we are 2000 (or more) miles apart!  I couldn't have gotten to the place I am now without that support.  I value and love each and every one of you (you know who you are)!

Throughout this experience, I've been reading a book called "MWF Seeks BFF:  My Year Long Search for a New Best Friend" by Rachel Bertsche. http://mwfseekingbff.com/about-the-book/   While I wasn't necessarily looking for a new best friend, I was looking for good girlfriends to hang out with and talk to about, well, all those things that girlfriends talk about.  The book helped me see how alike we women can be. It helped me brave new waters-making new friends at 41 totally OUT of my comfort zone.  I mean, WAY out of my comfort zone, people!  I didn't go as crazy as Rachel did in her search (she did a friend date every week for a year AND is much younger than AND has no children), but I think I did it in my own way.  And guess what?  I've made new friends.  They are as diverse and wonderful as this new place that I now call "home."

They are beautiful women of all ages and we have fun and talk about all of those things that girlfriends talk about.  At first, friendships are tentative.  It's a dance as you get to know these brand new people.  But, I listened and they listened.  You can't be a good friend and not be a good listener.  Believe me, I met some people who I thought may be friend material here that didn't make the cut!  I don't have room in my life for people who aren't straight forward, honest people!  No time for that crap!  But, the ones that did make the cut:  AWESOME ladies and I'm so glad I got the chance to meet them.  And so happy they took the time to get to know me and let me into their lives.
Don't get me wrong, it takes time to get to different levels of friendship.  My college roommates and PSE friends have dirt on me that will bond us for life (and give us many memorable things to laugh and talk about when we get the chance).  These experiences ARE what make the friendship become stronger and live on long after you are in different states and different phases of life.  I didn't break out the non filtered version of myself right off the bat.  Didn't want to scare anyone off.  It takes time to get to a place where you can truly be yourself with people.  (I've been married to my husband for 15 years and I STILL don't fart in front of him if I can help it.  Sometimes I can't, help it, that is)!  So I wasn't about to throw out a slur of 15 curse words in true Jen-style right away.  That shit takes time and trust.  But, I'm getting there.
Last night we went out for a "going away for awhile" send off for my friend Heather.  She's going into witness protection for a little while, just until the trial.  Really, she's just moving to Alameda to renovate a house and it's only a 35 minute drive from here.  But, she won't be here every day, so a send off was in order.  So, seven women, ranging in age from 30's to 50's went out for dinner and then to a dueling piano bar.  If you know me at all, you know I'm not much of a bar person.  But, you do things that are out of your comfort zone for friends, am I right?  It was truly a blast!  Yes, things got a little crazy and I got home WAY too late, but the crazy and the late-that's pure friendship bonding time!

At one point, Heather (pictured here on the piano) broke into spontaneous lap dances.  I was the lucky recipient of one said lap dance.  Yep, we both ended up falling off my bar stool and her beer got spilled-not pretty!  But, you don't just meet someone new and hop up on their lap (well, maybe Heather would with enough Corona in her).  That type of behavior is usually reserved for someone who knows you well enough to not run away screaming.  So happy to have gotten to that point here in Cali with my "newest" friends.  Yep, people, a lap dance really does say A LOT!

Feels (A Little) More Like Home

I guess at some point you just have a new normal.  I think I'm there.  We've been here for 6 months now and I think the adjustment has been (mostly) made.  I can actually list things I like about living in California now.  Don't get me wrong, I can still list things I don't like as well (PESSIMISTS UNITE!).  But the list isn't as long as it used to be.
Recently, Aidan, Tanner, and I went back to Missouri for Spring Break.  It was my second trip back and the boy's first.  For nine days, our social calendars were filled, to the brim people!!  I was the social taxi cab (in my mother's car).  There were friends to see, schools and teachers to visit, family to bond with, etc.  You know how it is when you visit home.  Less vacation and more run around and make sure you have adequate face time with ALL.
I thought it would be hard for the boys to come back.  They had a BLAST, but both were quite fine with returning.  It didn't hurt that Tony LaRussa was on our flight back to SF.  We all got to meet him.  Oh yea, random famous people on my flight!  I was READY to come back.  I loved seeing everyone, but I ran my ass off (actually it's still there, but you get my drift).  We drove to Illinois for a couple days (Eric's family-check).  We stayed with my mom and daddy-B, had Easter there, even saw my brother (my family, more of Eric's family-check).  I went to Kentucky with my Lover (that means my old roomie, Shayn, we're not actually lovers, I just call her that.  There's a whole story, but it's not relevant at this time to share).  We were on a mission to see our other roomie, Susannah.  The planets actually aligned this year and we all had Spring Break at the same time.  Hells to the yea on that!  (Serious friend bonding time, soul rejuvenated, my ass kicked at Nertz-check).

I actually think it was harder on some of the people we visited when we left, rather than on us.  I know people want us to be happy, but it's hard when people you liked having in your life on a daily basis have been gone and are now more OK with being gone. As my friend (and MIL) Elaine says, "Don't drink the Kool-Aid!"  Sorry, Elaine, I've had a few sips!  It doesn't mean I don't love and miss everyone, I DO!  It just means you can only live in "limbo" for so long before you go bonkers.  Also, plane tickets are *CRAZY* expensive.
So, onward and upward!  Aidan has picked out his electives for 8th grade (What the what-8th grade?) next year and seems excited.  Tanner will be in his last year of elementary (5th-again, Whaat?) at an awesome school.  Eric is among his people and working his tail off at Square!  I am taking the C-BEST test to get certified in California, so may actually have a job next year.  In the meantime, I am volunteering at Tanner's school with many things.  I've met some great ladies through that!
And, hey, the pool opens on May 10th!

Not to end on a complete cliche', but I will.  Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  Plan away, people, plan away!