Dental Debacle

I had to go get some dental work done last week which continued into this week.  Old filling had to come out, porcelain overlay had to go on (kind of like a crown), two new fillings to be filled.  I don't know anyone who *likes* to go to the dentist.  I don't usually freak out or anything.  But, perhaps I should have been a bit more cautious.
First things first, they can apparently make your partial crown "while you wait."  It's like Lens Crafters "Glasses in About an Hour" thing only for teeth.  So I go in and they numb the entire right side of my face.  The dentist sets to work getting out the old filling and then takes pictures digitally and on the computer screen right in front of me they design my overlay.  While that is being made, he and his assistant fill another cavity that I have.  Side note:  I could NEVER be a dentist or a dental hygienist.  They need buttons for you to push so that you don't have to try and answer questions with your mouth numb and full of pointy drills and such.  My buttons today would have been:  "I'm OK.  That hurts.  and Quit asking me questions!"
Fast forward and my overlay is ready to be put in/on.  The assistant has gone to another room, but the dentist wants to see if the partial crown is going to fit.  I open wide and he puts it on what's left of my tooth.  It's on the upper right hand side.  Immediately this feels a bit precarious to me.  I mean what is holding that thing in place??  He goes to take it off, pleased that it is a prefect fit and BOOM, just like that this little piece of porcelain is not on my tooth anymore.  It's on my tongue.  At least I think it's on my tongue because why else would I immediately start gagging and trying to expel this foreign body from my mouth?  Remember I am NUMB people, so the whole right side of my face is sagging and here I am trying to spit up a *tooth.*
"Don't panic" the dentist says.  Too late.  The assistant rushes in and says (I swear like a mother scolding a five year old) "you shouldn't have started without me."  Ya think???
They get me up and I start shaking out my shirts hoping to see this little white thing drop onto the floor or show up somewhere.  But, nothing!!  I go to the bathroom and take off my shirts, look in the bra, everything.  Even though, I stinking know it's not there.  I am pretty sure I swallowed the little sucker.
I put myself back together and head back to my little torture chamber.  Two assistants and the dentist are down on the floor.  "I think I swallowed it."  I say.  The dentist concurs because (and I quote)  "I didn't see anything fly out of your mouth while you were gagging and coughing."  I'm sure that was a picture worthy of the cover of Cosmo.  Lovely.
So, guess what?  They make another one and while I wait (again) the dentist explains to me that "this too shall pass" so to speak.  MOR-TI-FIED, PEOPLE!!!  If I could've written this whole post in CAPS without completely annoying myself, I would've.
Just to wrap up and conclude this riveting little story, I now am the proud owner of not one, but 2 porcelain overlays.  One you can see and one you can see in a few days.
Next time you go to the dentist, I hope you think of me and at least giggle a little.  Only not when there's a little overlay in your mouth.  Don't do that, K?

Just call me Julie!

This has been a strange week.  After not raining much at all since I've lived here, it has been raining the entire week.  Had to have $900 worth of work done on my van...ouch!  Taxes are being figured out.  We're gonna owe...double ouch!  I went to the dentist and apparently have 2 cavities, an old cavity that needs to be removed and replaced with a crown AND...(this is the real bonus) I've apparently been grinding my teeth while I sleep since moving here and have done some pretty good damage.  I need a bite guard.  Sounds sexy, doesn't it??  It's not covered under our insurance.  Excellent.  Bite guard will have to wait.  Uncle Sam trumps bite guard.
In addition to all of that Tanner had half days...every...single ...day this week due to Spring conferences.  Aidan had half days W, T, F.  That has a dual meaning:   Wednesday, Thursday, Friday AND What The Fuck?!!  Spring conferences were different than what I'm used to but it was OK.  Tanner's teacher tells me that he is responsible, mature and self motivated, except when it involves draft writing or embellishing on any writing whatsoever.  Tanner's thinking is:  I wrote it.  Take it or leave it.  But, I'm not changing anything.  It is what it is.  Ok, we'll work on that.  Given the half days, there were LOTS of other things going on at school besides conferences.  Namely the Book Fair and the Science Fair.
In my attempt to have some sort of "normal" here, I volunteer up at Tanner's school quite a bit.  I feel more at home in an elementary school setting than almost anywhere else, so it makes sense.  I fell into a routine with the office staff and principal and assistant principal fairly quickly.  I think it takes a unique type of person to work in an elementary school setting.  So, I find these women have similar characteristics to the beloved office staff back at my wonderful Progress South Elementary.  I'm being wordy with this post, I don't know why.  I think I have too much swimming around in my head or something. But, I promise there is a point, so bear with me for a few more paragraphs.
Anywho, I have made some new "friends" through my volunteering.  I've done lunch with a few of them, chatted a bit here and there with others.  I feel an instant connection with many of them simply because they are more familiar to me (i.e. they are white).  I swear to god I am not a racist.  I have just never been the minority before and it's an odd feeling.  Where I have had trouble feeling comfortable (as in knowing what to say, how to interact) is with the PTA group here which made up of mostly Indian (but also some Asian) women.  They are great group and do a lot amazing work for the school.  So, in an effort to get to know some of them better, I volunteered to work at the book fair for 3 hours, even though I knew I wouldn't know many of the ladies.  I've seen a few of them at meetings of committees and such but have a hard time remembering their names.
I have a lot of personal guilt about not being able to remember their names.  I remember the Asian ladies way better than the Indian ones.  Why is that?  It frustrates me as a human being!  I'm petrified of calling Poojah... Chithkala.  I know there are these two very nice ladies with those names, but I CAN"T for the life of me remember which one goes with which name.  Again, the guilt and personal inadequacy is *killing* me here!  Please don't judge me too harshly.
Back to the book fair.  I put on my big girl pants and headed to the Library at school to work my 3 hours.  Immediately I was met by someone I knew, Cynthia, who is Asian.  I talked to her for a few minutes, feeling a tad more relaxed.  Then I was attacked my 3 Indian women trying to put Hawaiian leis and a grass skirt on me (the theme of the book fair was luau, apparently).  I said hi to all of them.  They seemed to all be speaking at once, and quickly.  But, I got the gist of what they were saying.  They were happy about someone named "Julie" who was such a great volunteer.  Not knowing who they were talking about, I said, "Oh, I haven't met Julie.  Is she here?"  To which Chithkala (I think) responded, " Well, of course, YOU are Julie!!"  They all laughed and looked down as if they couldn't believe how truly stupid I was.
O...M...G!!  In that moment I felt SO much better!  They couldn't remember my name either!!  Woo hoo!  I don't suck as much as I originally thought!  Score one for the white chick!
I thoroughly enjoyed informing them that my name wasn't actually Julie.  They apologized profusely.  I loved the one who said "Oh no, if she is not Julie, then what is she called?"   I told them that I had just as much trouble remembering everyone's names and not to give it a second thought.
So, I'm letting myself off the hook for not knowing the names.  After all, I'm apparently named Julie!!

Milk in the Car and I Don't Care

My four day trip home was a success!!  Not that I thought it would be anything but.  It had truly been four months since I felt like doing a happy dance.  I was so excited about this trip, in fact, that I seriously did NOT plan out anything for the husband and kids to do while I was away.  I didn't write down any instructions.  I didn't lecture about doing homework and practicing piano.  I just packed my bag and hugged them and got the heck outta there!  I'll tell you, that's not typical of me.  I'm a bit of a control freak.  I worry about little things like the counters having crumbs on them, the toilet seat being left up and the blankets not being folded up on the couch.  Don't judge.  I am what I am, no apologies.  But this time, I didn't worry about ANY of that stuff!  My husband even posted on Facebook about a "bacon bomb" going off in our kitchen.  Did I call home and tell him where the cleaning spray was located?  Nope, I just kept on having fun with all of my peeps.

I'm pretty stinking proud of myself.  I truly *let it all go*!!  Yeah, me!

So when I returned yesterday I expected things wouldn't be *perfection*.  I have to say, pleasantly surprised.  They survived.  Eric did laundry.  I saw NO evidence of said bacon bomb.  Now, don't go jumping to conclusions, they are men (boys) after all, and without my *gentle guidance* a few things did go by the wayside.  Aidan missed his Cooking club and his gym clothes never made it home to be washed.  Eric went to the grocery store (yeah him), but left the milk in the back of the car most of the day.  The dog rolled around in new mulch and became brown instead of white.  But ask me if I care????

I do NOT!  It was worth it.  They survived!  I had a terrific visit with everyone.  

I went and got milk today.  

The end

What Happens When you don't just say "It's fine."

I'm a talker.  If you know me at all, you know I can talk on just about any subject and most definitely have an opinion about said subject.  I went to the bank this week and the teller there ALWAYS asks me "How do you like California so far??"  I discovered on my first visit that apparently she can tell that our account originated in Missouri because our account number "is so strange."  So, over the course of these 4 months she has learned where I'm from, why we moved here, how many kids we have and how to correctly pronounce "O'Fallon" which is "such a strange name for a town."  Our bank is in the SafeWay where I shop and is very small so it's usually the same teller.
Usually I tell her "It's fine" or "The weather is certainly better" because my momma raised me right and I know how to have a polite conversation.  But, this week, she wasn't taking that for an answer.  Here's the gist of the conversation:
Teller:  How are you liking California so far?
Me:  It's good, thanks.
Teller:  Is it really that different from the midwest?
Me:  Ummm, YES!  (I think my facial expression gave away QUITE a bit on this one because she seemed genuinely shocked.)
Teller:  But, you like California better, right?
Me:  It's an adjustment.
Teller:  But, you like it better here, RIGHT?  I mean there's NO comparison, right?
Me:  It may be too soon to answer that.
Teller:  (shaking her head)  But, you love it.  You do.  (This was more a statement than a question).
Me:  Actually, I don't.  But, thanks.

I may have to go to a different bank branch next time.  This woman REALLY needs me to like it here and I'm not good at faking it.  I'm a midwest girl.  I like my seasons to really BE seasons.  I like neighbors who wave and say "hi."  Hopefully, I'll rub off on the people out here a little.  I think they could use a good dose of the  midwest.

Things I've Learned from My Dog

If you hear about a crazy woman in the East bay area who walks (and I use that term loosely) her dog and talks (maybe yells sometimes) to said dog, you can rest easy knowing it's me.  We all talk about training our dogs.  I call bullshit on that!  My dog has trained me.  I took Rue to puppy school when we first got her.  We went for 8 weeks.  She takes my ass to school every day.  She would like to share with all of you the things she has taught me, her human.

Lesson number one:  You are not "going for a walk."  You are taking me to every single tree and plant I want to sniff between here and the dog park.  Never you mind that I've already peed 4 times and pooped twice.  That is irrelevant.  These trees smell VERY different from the way they smelled yesterday and I MUST investigate!

Lesson number two:  Yes, actually, I AM a princess, thank you very much!  And, yes, princesses sometimes CHOOSE to eat rabbit poo.  It is considered a delicacy in some countries.  Which countries?  I don't know, again, IRRELEVANT.  Stupid human.

Lesson number three:  I KNOW the way to the mailboxes.  I realize we go a different direction if you need to get the mail than if we are just going for a sniff, er, I mean walk.  And, to answer your question, I don't LIKE to do my business on the way TO the mailbox.  I prefer to do it on the way back, when you have lots of mail in your hands.  I think it's cute how you have to put the mail on the ground and get out the little poo bag and pick up my poo (we'll get to this little gem in lesson number four).  If the mail flies away due to wind, ALL the more fun!  I'm TRYING to make the trip a little more interesting.  You can thank me later.

Lesson number four:  What do you do with all that poo, anyway?  Are you collecting it to build a sculpture?  I bet my poo is considered a delicacy in some countries.

Lesson number five:  If you EVEN think you are going to sit there on the couch with that stupid machine and that I'm going to stay down here on the cold floor, you are seriously DERANGED!!  Scoot over woman.  Actually, that machine is really warm too.  What are you doing on there that's SO important?  What's "Words with Friends?"  Put that thing away and pet my belly.  There you go.  Good human!

Training humans is HARD work!  I'm pooped!!

Perspective and a Project

Reading that one of my sorority sisters from college is having a double mastectomy today helped me gain a much needed perspective on my current situation.   As I sit here worrying about her, I've made a decision to stop my bitching about California and just make it work.  I've changed my altitude and now I must change my attitude.

OK, time for a funny story.  In the beginning that is what I proposed this blog would be, funny stories from my life.   BUT, it has turned into something else entirely lately and ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Tanner has a school project due on Friday.  He has to build a model of Mission Santa Cruz (there were other choices but that boy loves to build).  We are learning all kinds of California history in the process.  He and Eric started building it over Xmas break using cardboard (something we have plenty of around here).  Once the structure was complete, Tanner and I started working on the details.  I am no stranger to crafts, people.  I was a first grade teacher for 16 years and have dealt with glitter (god help me) and plenty of children who get carried away with a bottle of Elmer's in their hands.  But I guess it's been awhile since I've battled the glue gun.
I think all glue guns should have that warning printed on them like the coffee cups from McDonald's.  "This shit gets REALLY fricking hot.  You WILL get burned."  That's my idea for the warning.  I know, not exactly the same as the coffee cup thing.  Anywho, I was doing great until we had to put grass all over the base.  Gluing the roof tiles was easy, they are solid squares of cardboard.  I put a squeeze of glue and Tanner stuck it on.  "Oooh, that feels hot through the cardboard,"  Tanner says.  "You have that right," I respond.
Let's discuss this grass, by the way.  I could have just had him color or paint the base green or covered it in green felt.  But then I spotted this spanish moss at JoAnn's and thought how realistic it would look.  (Dumbass)  I realize right away this is gonna get messy.  You have to pull the grass apart and it's not so easy. Plus it's falling all over the place and my dog is chewing on it as it hits the floor.  There's a comedian who says that glitter is the herpes of craft products (b/c once who have it, it never really goes away).  As I'm ripping the moss into sections, I can't get this out of my head.  (Squirrel!)

The true fun starts once the glue gun (implement of torture) is heated up.  Mine has 2 settings and I went with the lower one.  I know I'm going to be cursing, so I send Tanner to do something else, telling him I don't think he can help with this part b/c I don't want him to get burned.  So I put the glue on in small sections and wait a few seconds hoping it will cool a little, but not harden completely.  I stick the grass over the glue and instantly feel the heat.  So I yank my hand away but the pain doesn't stop.  That glue that is burning me is instantly hardening on my finger.  Awesome.  As an added bonus, I now have a spider web type string between me and the mission.  This process continues for about 15 minutes or so:  glue, grass, curse, tangle, glue, grass, curse, tangle.  As I'm trying to get the grass to stay on the base and not pull away with my hand, I have a surge of empathy for bikini waxers everywhere!

Ah, well, by the time I finish, I am tangled into a mess of dried glue strings and have little pieces of green moss grass hanging off of most of my fingers.  But, it LOOKS so realistic!  I can't wait to show Tanner.  (It is HIS project after all).  He comes down as I'm peeling the glue and grass off of my fingers and comments, "You were right, Mom, the grass is WAY better than just coloring it."  And I get a hug.  Totally worth it!  Get ready, Mrs. Chung, here comes Mission Santa Cruz ala Burke!!

New year, new look!

Happy 2012 everyone!  I decided to update my blog with a new look!  So since it's "Stories I Only Tell My Closest Friends" I decided to put some of my closest friends on my blog.  If you're not on here it doesn't mean I don't consider you a close friend.  It just means I have SO many friends that I couldn't possibly fit them all on my blog (yeah, right).  Really I picked the ones who have the most dirt on me and put them on so that they know how much I love them and hopefully they will never reveal my deepest and darkest. (I have information on you as well, bitches, so keep it quiet!!).
I am not making resolutions.  I don't do that.  I think it is just another way for me to publicly FAIL at something and I don't really need that help.  My big news is I still don't dig living in Cali.  My kids also do not care for it too much.  My husband, on the other hand, is in his element.  No, not the "California Surfer Dude" kind of element.  The Silicon Valley "Tech Geek" kind of element.  We did this for his job, it's a huge opportunity for him, blah, blah, blah.  Doesn't make it any easier and believe me I keep WAITING for it to get easier.
ONE thing that is easier is getting around.  I finally feel like I know which streets are connected to which places and how to get where I'm trying to get to (wow-terrible sentence).  So, just in time for that, Eric bought me a GARMIN for Christmas.  Whatevs, it's good to have it in case I get distracted.  What I REALLY need is an ear thingy so I can (legally) talk on my phone while I drive.  That's next on my list of must haves.  (What I really need is a bank drive up shute that will pop me back over to O'Fallon when I need to hang out with someone other than my dog or my kids).
My birthday present to myself (using Xmas funds from my wonderful MIL and birthday money-cough, cough, MOM, that's you-no presents, just money toward my already purchased plane ticket that is too expensive-) is to fly home for 5 glorious days in the usually very beautiful month of February.  I will see all my local friends, I will scrapbook at a crop, I will see family and I will eat Chick fil-a and toasted ravioli.  I CAN'T frickin' wait!!!  It's technically after my birthday, but no one really cares, right?  I need some "friend time" and I need it yesterday.
Okay, peeps, that's all of my moaning and complaining for the moment.  I really want something cool to happen like Aidan makes a friend or I make a friend so that I can write about that.  But, for now the cool news is that Tanner had a sleep over with 2 friends from his class and enjoyed it.  The COOLER news is that I met MC Hammer at the Square Xmas party.  The COOLEST news is that my mom and Bill were here for a week over Xmas.   See that?  That is me trying to put a positive spin on things.  You should have seen me trying to fit myself into their suitcase at the airport.  HILARIOUS!