Thursday, August 25, 2011

HOLY crap!

Today I had a "blind" man come to the house to repair the string mechanism on one of the blinds.  He seemed nice enough.  Introduced himself as Ed and was nice to my dog, Rue.  "I see you're moving, " he says, "where to?"  "San Francisco area." 
Now I've heard a lot of things come out of people's mouths when I let them know where we are moving, but this one is the hands down winner.  "Are you a christian?" he asks.  Not thinking there's a really good way to respond,  I decide right then and there to play along, b/c, a) I'm bored and this could be fun and b) I don't want to hear the *you need to be saved* schpeel that is sure to come if I say I'm not a *christian.*  
Perhaps a better question would be "Are you polite?"  given that he has just met me, is in my house to do a service, and is asking me this highly invasive question.   So, I say "Sure am."  I know I'm lying to this man, but he's being ruder than I can imagine by asking me this question, so my lying is perfectly justifiable.  
I have to wonder how he would feel if I walked into his house to clean his windows and the first thing I asked him was "Are you a heathen?"  Just a thought as he begins to warn me of the *evil liberals* lurking out there in good old California.  "You must keep a close eye on your children there, especially if they go to #public school#."  He said this as if it were truly on the road to hell.  Sooooo glad I didn't let him know I was one of those crazy public school teachers, he probably wouldn't have fixed my blind then.
I reminded him that it wasn't OK to teach religion or politics in a public school setting.  But, he shook his head in disbelief and continued, "They SAY they don't teach that liberalism, that it's OK for 2 men to live in sin, or 2 women to live in sin, but they DO teach it.  That's why if you send your children to public school you must volunteer and be IN the classrooms as much as possible to police the situation."  I assured him that we would be looking into private school (lie #2) to which he was very relieved for both me and my poor children.  
WOW-ZA!!  Apparently Rush Limbaugh has a brother and his name is Ed and he is in my kitchen right fucking now!  
Finally my blind was fixed and I paid him $15 that I earned spreading liberalism to the children of St. Charles County and hoped he would be on his way.  But, nope, not that easy.  He packed up his gear and I thanked him for his time.  "May I say a prayer for your house and your family before I leave?"  "By all means," hell, I've put up with your holy crap this long.  I hope I can remember his prayer (I peeked at him while he was saying it and tried very hard not to snicker).  
"Dear Lord, please bless this house and send a *christian* buyer here under your gentle guidance, so that this family can leave without worrying that their beautiful home will lie in the hands of those who don't follow your word.  Please watch over them in California so that they will not be fooled by the liberal evil that is so easily welcomed there.  Amen"
I may have missed a few words but that was the gist of it.  I don't think I will EVER be the same after that!


  1. Holy Hell! (snicker snicker) Honestly!! Remember Frick and Frack who periodically sub to clean our rooms? Frick arrived without Frack a few days ago. He was chatting me up as usual. As he left he noticed Barack's pic on my door. He poked his head back in and said "I notice your picture of Barack Obama on the door. Are you a supporter?" I almost replied it's really none of your damned business, but foolishly decided against it, thinking maybe he too was a "supporter". Instead I replied, "Well, yes, I am. But that's not why his picture is there. It's there because he's the President of the United States." He replied "Well you're not going to vote him BACK in are you?" Really??? Guess I should have known better. I said "Well I guess that depends on who runs against him." Perhaps it was my heathen god who, attempting to save my liberal ass, then caused my phone to ring, promptly ending the conversation. ;o)

  2. OH, Kris, your phone rang for a very good reason! LOL! I feel like they are closing in on me in this state. Time to run west where my liberal ass can live in peace. ;)

  3. OMG that is hilarious!